What You Need To Know About Dating 30+ Men

  

The only people who get dragged on Twitter more than 30+ men are Sanwo-Olu, Buhari, Adamu Garba and maybe Glo and Access bank. Men over thirty are the subject of all kinds of jokes- harmless ones, mean ones, stray bullet, everything. 

Now, the idea to write this piece came to me in a conversation with my friend Anwuli. We talked about the highs and lows of being in your twenties and being with a man in his thirties. I decided to write this to give you an insight into what it’s like to date a 30+ man. 

PS: This is not from personal experience. I just have a lot of 30+ friends and 20+ friends, and the ability to make people open up to me. 

Like everything in this world, there are advantages and disadvantages. For balance, we are going to consider both. I also want you to know what to expect now that you’re in a talking stage with that man who ends all his conversations with you with "Cheers!"

Starting off with the good parts, here are some advantages of  dating a 30+ man

1. Free mentorship: 

If you’re with a 30+ man, you know they love nothing more than to give good advice. You could be having a bad time and completely lacking direction in life and all you’d have to do to put things in perspective would be to call your 30+ boyfr…sorry, man friend. You know they've seen a lot more of life than you have so they live for this; passing their knowledge on to the younger generation, AKA you.

2. Short-Lived arguments: 

You are young and your blood is hot so you want to iron everything out in fire and brimstone as e dey hot. This sometimes leads to disagreements and you may get into an argument. But you see, a lot of 30+ men don’t have time for this. They want to close it out like a business deal. Clean and quick. They will say sorry and hug it out. What you’re going through now, the need to fight and shout, they went through it ten years ago. Ten years ago, the economy was better. Buhari wasn’t in power and the naira wasn’t what it is now. So just rest. They can’t relate to all this raking you’re raking. 

3. They look great in pictures: 

Couple goals anyone? Personally, I love seeing pictures of a young queen and her 30+ man. There’s this stark difference that is very beautiful to see. Young Queen is all fired up, Snapchat filters and all, turning in all angles and looking great for the camera. 30+ man is in his kaftan, effortlessly looking like nothing can faze him except this fine. 20+ woman who has his mumu button. He acts like he doesn’t want to be in the pictures and videos, but he likes that she wants him in them. So cute.

Where una dey see this love?

I’m sure there are other advantages to dating a 30+ man but let’s get right to the dirt. These are some of the reasons dating a 30+ man may not be the best experience:

1. Different realities: 

In life, there are stages. If you’re in your twenties, you’re probably going through the hard parts. You’re trying to build your career and get to know yourself at the same time. It can be a lot to handle.  Would a 32-year-old get it? Would they understand the decisions you have to make, the things you have to do? It’s not like they are not in touch with reality or something, but what if they are just not in touch with your reality? Are you in touch with theirs? One thing all great relationships have in common is intention. Good things hardly ever happen by mistake. You want it and work for it. Don’t take my advice sha. I don’t know anything (before you people will say it’s me that caused your problems).

2. A difference in energy levels: 

When you're young, you have energy. You want to climb Kilimanjaro, you want to fight police, you want to do everything. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. I’m a big advocate of trying whatever in your twenties. But as you get older, your priorities become clearer. You start to sort out things and realize what is worth your energy and what isn’t. Most 30+ men have sorted theirs out. They know where they want their energy to go. It may not be where you’re willing to put yours and it can cause some friction. The key is recognizing that you are different people and just allowing that to stick. He’s different. So are you. Doesn’t mean you can’t love each other. Again, I don’t know what I’m saying. 

2. Mentorship: 

E shock you? An advantage can also be a disadvantage. Getting a fresh perspective is great. Getting good advice is even greater. But it can go south easily. Don’t be tempted to always defer to their opinion because they are older. Being older doesn’t always mean knowing better. Your opinion is valid too. You’re as much of an adult as they are. Don’t let anyone hold your lack of experience over you and make you believe it makes your opinions mean less than theirs . It doesn’t. You are equal partners, even if he’s bald at the center of his head and has decided to be carrying "abolo" so that it’ll look intentional.

See, love is a funny thing. I will never be able to wrap my head around it. How do two people just meet and decide that they’ll begin to function as a unit? Maybe it’s chemical signals or an act of God or something. But whatever it is, I’m grateful for it. Imagine if we all had to be fighting each other in real life like we do on Twitter. The absolute ghetto.

Meanwhile, some of you who are always fighting men online, we know say you get man. You can't deceive us sis. We know you. You will type " Men are scum" then turn around to cuddle up to your fine man. We dey see you. Posterity will judge you.

I think it goes without saying that people are different and you may not experience these disadvantages with your 30+ man. You may also be dating a 20+ man and he's there showing you pepper in the name of being an alpha male. LOL. God forbid sha. 

I’m done with sounding wise. Let me just tell you, if you’re going into a relationship with a 30+ man and he breaks your heart, just know that the heartbreak will slap harder than a wicked stepmother. See, all heartbreaks slap on some level, but a 30+ man? It will burst your eyeglass. You go ment. 

If you’re really going to be with anybody, 30+ or not, prepare for the worst and pray that it doesn’t come. On these streets, na all man for himself and God for us all.

I wish everyone luck in this game. May the odds be ever in your favour.