Friday Night Adventures: Visiting A Strip Club in Lagos

Strippers have always fascinated me. I've always wondered what their lives are like outside the club, what they're thinking when they're on stage, if they enjoy their jobs and how they started it in the first place.

Until last night, I’d never seen a stripper in real life. I’ve seen them in movies, heard people talk about them, but a stripper in the flesh? Never.

That’s why last night was such a revelation. All the jokes in the world, all the movies in the world, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Also, none of my many questions got answers. I don't know how they got into it or if they're happy. They seemed pretty happy to be dancing, but then again, I'm pretty sure I sound happy when I'm asked to join a work meeting, even when it's the last place I want to be.

My Friday night started with me thinking I was going to lay in bed watching a Netflix movie I’d already seen, but fate had other plans. I got invited out. I was a little reluctant because I’m big on planning and normally require a three day notice period for an outing, but I decided to go anyway.

One lounge or restaurant, one beach club and a sleepy Ramsey Noah later (don’t even ask), I found myself at Silverfox in Victoria Island, Lagos.

If you live in Lagos and you've never heard of Silverfox or you have heard and still do not get what the hype is, it is my utmost pleasure to demystify this den of iniquity. You're welcome.

You see, when you google "Silverfox Lagos", you'll see that it's a Luxury Adult Entertainment Club. That's a strip club in many words. Strip. Naked. Like, naked naked.

Nudity is not exactly new to me. In university, I lived in the hostel for a while and I saw naked people every single day. It was as normal as breathing air. You know women. We don't think much of these things. We're not like men, many of whom are freaked out by the idea of giving each other hugs or partaking in a handshake that lasts longer than three seconds. Women are more open to physical contact with each other. In the hostels, we hugged our roommates for no reason. We shared their bed even though we had our own. We compared bra sizes. It wasn't a big deal. Women are amazing like that.

No amount of nudity I experienced in the hostels of the University of Benin could have prepared me for what I saw last night. Everywhere you turn, someone is scandalously clad and on the verge of complete nakedness. I’m not talking about the kind of nudity you see in female hostels. This one’s just special because I’m sure your roommates weren’t twerking in six-inch heels.

Let me just say this for my girls who make stripper jokes with me: We could never pull that off! We are probably going to be corporate people for the rest of our lives, and if you'd been there last night, you'd see that the nine to five life is not so bad. We'll be alright.

I got to Silverfox around 2am. To be honest, I didn't know what to expect. When we finally got in, my mind was blown...by their shoes of all things. I didn't know heels could be so high. How do they walk and even dance in those things?

Sky-high heels will never stop surprising me because I'd fall on my face if I ever got into anything higher than three inches. I think I have weak ankles. Kudos to those women's ankles.

As surprised as I was, the experience was also underwhelming. I expected proper acrobatics on the pole. Like, go up, fly down but do it upside-down kind of stuff. What I got were some mostly disappointing butt jiggling and some lopsided splits. Now I'm not saying butt jiggling is not difficult. I'm sure it is, but didn't these people see the Montero challenge videos on Twitter? People were risking life and limb for Lil Nas X.

 

At every point during the time I spent there, there were two women on stage. They dance for maybe fifteen minutes or a bit more and some other scantily dressed person comes to take over. I think the trick is to jiggle as much as you can and get people to "spray" as much money as possible. This is just me guessing. I don't know if they have fixed monthly salaries or something. I have so many questions.

Anyway, here are some lessons from my interesting Friday night/Saturday morning:

1. Fun is very freaking relative. I was surprised by how packed the place was. I honestly didn't think people would be that interested in seeing women make weak attempts at climbing a pole. But there we all were. There were probably a hundred people in there who left their homes to come to Silverfox to experience their idea of a good time on a Friday night. So strange. I'm judging all of you. 

2. Very many things in Lagos are ridiculously overpriced. Sometimes, the more pricey the thing is, the higher the possibility that it will taste like yesterday's urine. The trick with these things is, they're not just selling the product, they're selling prestige. I say prestige because I don't know how else to describe the ego boost that buying these things will give you. 

Dori me

Interimo ayapare, dorime

Ameno, ameno

Latire... Latire mo

You know the vibes.

3. On Friday nights or any other busy night at the club, bouncers have more power than Buhari. Last night I learnt that the bouncer you meet on a night when you're feeling adventurous has more power over you than whoever the president of your country is. Bouncers have the ability to ruin your night if they really want to. They can decide to keep you out for the most ridiculous reasons, and if you have your whole night riding on that club outing, my apologies to you and your crew.

Case in point:

I've been told they have their reasons for not letting people in, but these excuses are just absurd.

4. You will most likely tip everybody. When you're out looking for a good time in Lagos, everyone you meet expects you to give them something for everything they do for you, no matter how useless the rendered service is. If someone says "Boss, good evening oh", you're supposed to tip them for wishing you a good evening. How else would you expect to enjoy your night without these heartfelt well-wishes from a complete stranger?

Lagos is an interesting place, no doubt. I always say it can swallow people whole. Don't get me wrong, other places have their wild sides too. My friend went to a strip club in Benin and she said she got a lapdance for 2k. Typical. Could never be Lagos. The women I saw last night looked like they wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole if you weren't ready to spend the kind of money that could pay someone's annual rent on the mainland. Again, I'm just guessing, so don't take my word for it

There are many places to go in Lagos to have proper fun without breaking the bank. Maybe one day I'll go exploring and write about it. But until then, have fun, live life and wear a mask.

Enjoy what's left of your weekend.