MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

We’re women. We get approached all the time, some a lot more often than others. Sometimes these things go overboard and become harassment because your "admirer" has refused to take a hint or as my mother says, he has "put his ears inside water".

These things sometimes escalate and as in many cases that we’ve seen, end very badly for the woman. It’s unfortunate, tragic and a situation that should not exist but it is what it is. 

I started this article hoping it would go in a less triggering direction. But sometimes these things write themselves and I apologize in advance if you are triggered, especially in light of recent events. I’m really sorry. I really hope you are okay and never have to resort to fighting for your very own life just because you have refused somebody’s advances.

I’m writing from a fairly inexperienced point of view. Although, I’ve had some strange encounters that have caused me to run for miles at night be a use somebody couldn’t just believe that I wouldn’t invite him to my father's house for a "visit". I know that sounds terrible, but many have been through worse. Some have not been fortunate enough to talk about it. 

I’m writing this so that if you are a man and you are reading this, you might understand the implication of what you call "persistent". You are not persisting, you are harassing. You might bring up the classic excuse of "she just wants to stress me" or "She’s posting me, but she really wants me". I don’t know how else is there to interpret a short word like "No".

It is not up to you to attribute whatever meaning you please to a blunt refusal. "No" is just "No". 

If she really means yes, that is her problem. She voiced out refusal to you. You are not a mind reader. Do not assume yourself to be one.

But kill this idea of stalking, unwarranted physical contact, even if you don’t mean any harm. We will not always find your persistence to be sweet. The world is unsafe but it’s even more unsafe for women. Imagine being aware of this and then being held in one spot by one human being, his hand tightly wrapped around your wrists so you do not walk away, sometimes in freaking broad daylight, while everyone just walks by seeing your struggle and they just look away. I swear Nigerians mind their business at the most inconvenient times.

I know a girl who got chased down my street by a random guy who was catcalling. She ignored him and he started to chase her. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. And no one did anything.

Later she was asked why she didn’t stop running.

And she said "So that he will rape me, abi?"

I threw that response around in my head for a while and decided that it was valid. I mean, if everybody watched her get chased down the street and did nothing, who's to say they’d do anything if she had gotten caught and dragged into the bush or something? Just so you know, she has lived on this street for more than half her life and is very familiar with the other people who live there. Everyone saw. Everybody saw.

So maybe you find your persistence to be flattering. Wait, that makes no sense. You shouldn’t be the one to find it flattering. But the person who should prefers that you leave her alone. It’s that simple. Do you understand now?

#JusticeForUwa