I'm shy, but I live in Lagos now
So, I did this to myself. I wasn't born in Lagos, my parents don't live in Lagos, I consciously made the decision to move here amidst the 'Are you sure?" questions I was getting and comments like "We know you don't like wahala. Do you think you can deal?" But hey, I'm here. It might be too early to celebrate since I haven't been here so long but I've been doing really great. I haven't called my father in a fit of hysteria to scream "Daddy these people want to end my life with their buses'' yet, so I think that's something to be proud of. I jumped off a bus on a whim last week so yeah, maybe being shy is a cover and the real person I am is an impulsive "werey". I really can't wait to tell my father.
Being shy in a place like this is a no-no. Usually, I'd be reluctant to speak anywhere but since I've been here, I feel like I've been possessed by a spirit that's not altogether evil. I don't know if it's the city itself or I'm just at a point in my life where coming out of my shell is inevitable. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the ability to shout "Allen O wa oo" and not feel weird about it. Scratch that. I do feel weird about it. In Benin, we just say "Stop" when we get where we're going and the buses actually stop for us to get down like normal people. But it's alright. Jumping off a bus and risking your life is cool too.
I think I'm still shy. It did not disappear. I know because it rears its head sometimes and I have to make a conscious effort to banish it and remind myself that I will not sound mad if I insist on getting my change before I get off the bus or if I ask the people "spreading" in one of those yellow buses to move a bit and make room for me on the edge of the seat because I'm sitting with only a quarter of what my momma gave me.
So yeah, my shyness didn't magically disappear. I'm not suddenly the boldest person in the room. I'm still shy. I just live in Lagos now.
Being shy in a place like this is a no-no. Usually, I'd be reluctant to speak anywhere but since I've been here, I feel like I've been possessed by a spirit that's not altogether evil. I don't know if it's the city itself or I'm just at a point in my life where coming out of my shell is inevitable. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for the ability to shout "Allen O wa oo" and not feel weird about it. Scratch that. I do feel weird about it. In Benin, we just say "Stop" when we get where we're going and the buses actually stop for us to get down like normal people. But it's alright. Jumping off a bus and risking your life is cool too.
I think I'm still shy. It did not disappear. I know because it rears its head sometimes and I have to make a conscious effort to banish it and remind myself that I will not sound mad if I insist on getting my change before I get off the bus or if I ask the people "spreading" in one of those yellow buses to move a bit and make room for me on the edge of the seat because I'm sitting with only a quarter of what my momma gave me.
So yeah, my shyness didn't magically disappear. I'm not suddenly the boldest person in the room. I'm still shy. I just live in Lagos now.
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